A new school year is a time of excitement. As you are gathering school supplies and planning schedules your child may be thinking more about friends and dating. As exciting as a new year can be, there may also be worry and uncertainty. Who will I be friends with this year? What clubs will I join? Will people like me? Will someone ask me out? This is a great time to talk with your child about their expectations in friendships and dating relationships that will develop this year.
You can start the conversation by asking your child open-ended questions to learn more about their current self-concept. This is a good time to listen, show interest, and validate their feelings. What they are looking for in a friend? What do they like about the friends they have? What would they like to be different? They may be feeling optimistic, nervous, or a combination of both. You may be surprised at new things they share or feelings they are having. Talking about relationship goals, in addition to educational goals, normalizes the importance of healthy relationships. Tell your child that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected.
Healthy relationships are not just about dating. Green flag behaviors happen between family members, friends, and romantic partners. Trust, assertive communication, negotiation and fairness, honesty and accountability, and shared decision making are green flags for everyone. Share with your child that relationships are not perfect. Everyone make mistakes, but it is important how someone behaves after they make a mistake. Taking accountability, apologizing, and showing a real change in behavior are green flags. Every relationship will have conflict, but teens should not feel afraid to bring up concerns with a dating partner or have a disagreement. Share with your teen that feeling safe when having hard conversations is a green flag.
Having boundaries, and being able to verbalize them, is a great skill to practice. Ask your child what boundaries they would like to establish with friends this year. These questions will help your child reflect on their own needs and how to communicate those in a proactive way. Avoid telling your child what you think their boundaries should be. Listen instead, and help them think about how to establish those boundaries with others.
All of us will navigate a myriad of relationships during our lives. Remember that children are learning to build relationships. Help them have high expectations for respect, kindness, and empathy. Let them know that you are a support system, there to listen and talk through issues they have with friends and dating partners. Model green flag behaviors in your relationship with them.
Peaceful Paths presents a free healthy relationship curriculum at schools and community programs. Let teachers and schools know that you support your child learning life skills that will benefit them in all relationships.
Editor’s note: This is the latest in a series of columns sponsored by Community Foundation of North Central Florida.